After a long time I am writing today. Lost mood to write for a short while I guess. It’s not something I wish to do but then I guess there is time when one needs to get away from things he/she likes to get the necessary lack of oxygen. I hope you understand my meaning. When we stop doing what we like to do and let the time lapse either we try to get back to it, like a person drowning in water trying get at surface for some bits of oxygen to live or we let it go completely. My case; rush to reach the surface before it’s too late. I think this is the only way to let my mind remain sane.
Why today? I started passing time on YouTube like normal days and ended up listening to music from Guru dutt’s movies. I don’t know why but this is one person I would have loved to meet. Few days back while sitting with my close friends; I just asked them if by any chance we get chance to go back in history who would they like to meet. Just one of those stupid top off my mind questions. My list will be long but frankly top six:
1. Guru Dutt.
2. Sahir ludhanvi.
3. Faiz ahmed faiz
4. Mirza Ghalib
5. Nathuram Godse.
6. Shiv kumar batalvi
Watching the video from Kaagaz ke phool and listening to song “Dekhi zaman ki yaari” made me feel soooo sick. I felt like going to fresh room and puking. I mean I am among those; who can get puking feeling on things I find most horrifying and disgusting and similarly on the one’s I find most admiring and amazing. Being a poetry lover and trying to listen to best of poetry; and usually end up feeling like this. Being able to write poetry is the highest gift of God. For me, poets are on the very top of pyramid of creative thinkers and artist. I am in awe of poets. Guru Dutt was not a poet off course but the way he made his movies revolve around poetry of greats like Sahir make me feel so oversentimental inside. The depth he showed actually made the poem come alive on screen.
I myself would love to write poetry and trust me I do try, but I am so-so bad that I can’t even imagine to share. My dairy will be burned either on my funeral pyre or I will burn it myself before; hell yeah. But, when I listen to people like, sahir, ghalib, faiz, firaaq, majaz etc I feel so sick. I mean the level of pain and depth of their writing is so intense it takes my breath away. The sick feeling last whole day. I also try to avoid writing poetry too much as I get depressed. I mean I can understand why poets die so young so often or commit slow suicide by drinking away. So many examples of poets becoming alcoholic. And it’s all understandable. They write from their hearts.
I feel so sad at missing the chance to meet these amazing poets. They are immortal for me. Life and death will happen but the poetry they gave will forever remain. I just hope God listens to me and allow me to have a chance to meet them. I will just sit in front of them and keep looking at them, I will not speak or talk but prefer to just look and God I hope without crying. My head will be running with their writing and I am 100% sure to choke in my throat. My tears will just fall.
