tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84773980790728811292024-03-05T03:18:36.881-08:00A perfect dream Life continues to surprise me..and I wish you can be part of my perfect dream.Mrinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11684722279970935357noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8477398079072881129.post-5268177830498968832017-01-10T04:51:00.001-08:002017-01-10T04:51:09.467-08:00the beatings of heart<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Hopes…dreams…affections…feelings…love…<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Why world is so cruel I think at times….why people who just wish to have a simple lives just don’t get it. We complicate our own plans and we end up suffering always. Problem is we trust too much and we depend too much. Very young I had heard of a quote “No man is an island”. What a crap. We all are islands today and problem is when a boat comes on our beach we get excited. We let the person to play in our sands of heart and then the same person after a while get on his boat and sail away. What is left behind is the footprints of that person on our sands in our heart.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I am tired and I wish to give up.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">But then I will not that’s my problem. I will just stand up and erase all the footprints of every person who had come to my shore and went away. Past must be erased. But the sands remain witness to those feet’s which walked over it. Sometimes I do wonder about how things might have turned out if that person had stayed on my beach. How the sunset would have looked and how we could have witnessed stars on clear night lying on our backs on sand. How the home would have been on my island where we could have started a new life together. But then, have to move on for my own sanity.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">One thing I have learned that no matter of time which has went away, no matter of pains which have followed, no matter if even after so long still things haven’t worked out; my life will keep on moving. The waves will keep hitting my beach with new hopes and desires. I will keep my fire up at night and day to signal for new boats. I will keep walking on my beaches holding the hand of person who had courage to land and walk along with me.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Things I can’t give up is hopes…dreams…affections…feelings…love.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><img width="574" height="383" id="Picture_x0020_5" src="cid:image003.jpg@01D26B6D.C361F5B0"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p>Mrinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11684722279970935357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8477398079072881129.post-92053045906635371202016-12-02T02:43:00.001-08:002016-12-02T02:49:56.756-08:00Death of a merry-maker.<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I am writing under some stress today. I think helps in taking it out.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Someone died today. And instead of families rushing to pay respect or drop tears, a different face of humanity comes forward. I see people cribbing how the old man behaved with them. How miser he was in old age, while easily forgetting the age and medical condition he was going through. Concern is what is left in will and who will get what.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I can only think of sahir;<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Yeh duniya agar mil bhe jaye toh kya hai.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I remember him as most happy go lucky person. He lived his life full, smoking drinking and making merry. He encouraged me so much and always remembered the bond we shared. He was suffering from Alzheimer and even forget my name and who I was. The last meeting I had to tell him number of times during conversation who I am and how we are related. But then he had moments during the same conversation about things I use to do as kid. How I fought him not to leave me alone at home during summer breaks, how he treated me with rasgullas when I wanted. How I use to through water balloons on him when at Holi I went to his home. During one night I with my cousin brother and little sister were sleeping in same room with him, we all were giggling and then he farted like a bomb blast; OMG we just laughed so hard that I fell from bed. Some might say what a wasted thoughts and memories. But it’s one of those moments when I know I laughed like world is coming to end and I don’t care a shit.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">He was man of very progressive thoughts. He wanted me to read as much as possible to gain knowledge. He was an encyclopedia on shayari and one just needed to sit with him on drinks and he could continuously recite shayari for hours. He loved his family and they might feel different but I know. Once I was reading to him story books and I remember it was something about lawyer and his case. In the end, he just told me “Son, your English is better than lawyers I have seen arguing in courts and are 40 year olds. Keep reading and keep learning”. I was 12-13 year old and I remember the impact these words had on me. No one had ever encouraged me more than him.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I am very sad today but then I am also very happy. He should have died few years earlier so that he didn’t suffered so much. He couldn’t walk or think and lost all his friends. Dying lonely is very bitter experience I feel. Rather than long life, a happy short one is better and I pray to God the same for me. I would rather die in an instant than waiting for death every day. Last time I met him, I wished speedy death for him. That a truth. Even if not something I should have done but yes I did. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Thank you GOD for giving him freedom from this world. I will have a drink tonight to celebrate.<o:p></o:p></span></p><div><br></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr5nA4e5MQmdwgOViPeQy_VqxvsSAeMGFaj_DImp3iAFBzDn1vPGujGXCTAphFuwKvhJHbUOaWILL8403YSPxODyBPlerRDQzoc4UiehBpxSMbvQnAFe-wiFcdk-WtqfCvnKQncrx_1ak/s640/blogger-image-1071482991.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr5nA4e5MQmdwgOViPeQy_VqxvsSAeMGFaj_DImp3iAFBzDn1vPGujGXCTAphFuwKvhJHbUOaWILL8403YSPxODyBPlerRDQzoc4UiehBpxSMbvQnAFe-wiFcdk-WtqfCvnKQncrx_1ak/s640/blogger-image-1071482991.jpg"></a></div>Mrinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11684722279970935357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8477398079072881129.post-71679261566270512872016-08-19T05:23:00.002-07:002016-08-20T04:45:09.980-07:00Travel dairy<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Travel dairies..<u></u><u></u></div>
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After a long and hectic life this year finally took time to travel. Mentally was exhausted and wanted some personal time. Didn’t wanted to spend with anyone or doing anything. Just go somewhere and be alone. Yes, alone. That’s me. Lonely and happy to be that way. Solo trip.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Well frankly, seeing all the couples and love flowing from the moment you step out does make you feel hollow but then, once the journey starts for a solo traveler it changes and make you feel liberated. So the plan was to reach Singapore on 10<sup>th</sup> August and by road go to Kuala Lumpur on 13<sup>th</sup> and back to India on 15<sup>th</sup>. Start was good and reached airport on time (it’s a fear I always feel when have a flight to catch about missing it by the time I reach airport). T3 is my favorite and I always feel happy when I am there. Flight was also nice and wine was ok. The excitement started in my stomach the moment I landed. WOW. Yes, only wow is the word for Singapore. What a country and what beauty. People are so-so nice. Very friendly. The whole country has a feel of global city. So many nationality working and living, so many cultures flowing, so much to see and so much perfect. I walked the first day around my hotel on Baliester road (pardon if wrong spelling). The only problem were my new shoes. I took them especially for walking purpose but they started to bite my feet. It pained really hard. Anyway, went to an American type restaurant and loved the fish and beer. All around me different languages were being spoken and whole time I was thinking of home and family back in India. I guess, brooding happens when a person is at his lonely best. We start thinking of the most important people in our lives and thinking what they must be doing and thinking. But somehow, I was at peace. Both feelings were together. Lonely and peaceful. Walked more around the streets and was amazed at the civic sense and sheer responsibility drivers feel for walking people. No one honks and no one show unnecessary haste. They wait for you to cross and smile when you say thanks. Ohh so lovely and different it felt. I just love manners. It makes you believe in world of chivalry.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Sleeping late and getting up even late is something I missed so much in India. No noise and disturbance in hotel room (without any windows) made me sleep as if doing it after ages. Plan was to reach universal studio early before crowd hits. One thing as a back packer and solo traveler I realized and learned is to rely more on public transport then taxis. You will bleed my friend, money wise if you just look for comfort. The whole idea behind solo trip should be to face difficulties. The challenges of solo travel is to win over your mind to face and overcome challenges which keep coming. And trust me, they will. I lost my way so many times. Wrong bus, wrong stop, but loved it all. Universal was grand. The whole place had a fun aura around it. I took two rides and started to feel nauseated and decided no more rides. I also decided not to do any shopping to save money. Frankly, I wanted to explore more places then do shopping in malls or market. After universal which is going to remain in my memory, I walked toward beach side. Unfortunately, I forgot to carry my swimming costume. So couldn’t take dip. I just grabbed a beer and took my t-shirt off and sat on sand. Part of me inside wanted people to admire my back (LOL). I just wanted to show my tattoo. But it was so nice and truth be told beach and sea makes me start thinking always. Standing and walking knee deep in sea water and sun hitting my body, I started remembering all the people who have come so deep inside and left my life. Especially that one person I loved so much. I remembered the moment last time we met and I dropped her at airport. She was going up the escalator and looking back at me. Her eyes, her face all said it. This is the last time. Inside my heart I knew at that moment; I am losing her forever. I started to think of some lines which came to my mind standing in water and looking at vast sea.<u></u><u></u></div>
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In lahron se koi awaz tum tak agar pauche,<u></u><u></u></div>
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Toh soch lena ke kahe pardes mai koi yaad kar raha tumhe.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Dil ka kya hai soch leta hai kuch bhe,<u></u><u></u></div>
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Kabhe samundar ko dekh kar naam le lena mera.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Yahe lahron ke sahare shayad awaz mujh tak wapis aye.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Dil ka kya hai soch leta hai kuch bhe.<u></u><u></u></div>
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All crap I know, but then at that alone time, one thing after another starts to run in once mind. I thought of person currently I am talking too. Should I continue or not. I thought of person in my office, the one I have developed some kind of crush. Even though we are in different teams but I have seen her eyes and I know something has clicked between us even if its unsaid and frankly my day dream. I thought of Shimla and person I left there. It’s like a train which comes on platform and leaves. Each person is like a train, and I am sitting on platform seeing it go by without me getting on it. I had some tears also to drop and add my salt with sea salt. Anyway, these are moments I think make us humans and not robots. Evening had to meet a long lost cousin. Could see the success he has carved out for himself.<u></u><u></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">Third day, went to china town. Walked and walked. Must have covered 30 kms easily on foot. The best moment was finding this Tintin shop. I am telling you, as a tintin fan it’s like finding gold mine. I spent good half hour inside looking at all the memorabilia. It was very expensive but worth. Photography was not allowed and I guess rightly looking at the exclusiveness. The person who owns the shop told me there are only two in Asia ( one in japan other in Singapore ). Market had a temple where monks were praying. Buddhist temple and some kind of prayer was on and I just stood for a while listening to the chants. The food was problem as my stomach doesn’t allow me to experiment too much. And the type of Chinese food in stalls were being served was beyond my taste. Luckily found an Indian food restaurant and mutton keema was amazing. Also, it rained and I saw a beautiful Singapore emerge from it. Hardly any pollution of any kind; sound, air, soil etc. nothing. I can spend my life in this country with someone paying for my expenditure </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings;">:)</span></div>
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After a night stay with cousin and his family; and an extra day in Singapore left by road to Kuala Lumpur. The bus journey are always my favorite. They make me feel so grounded and real. Volvo was amazing and quite comfortable. The journey which was supposed to end in 4-5 hours took 7 hours all thanks to long lines at Singapore immigration. The Chinese tourist love to travel is such huge groups I tell you. Hundreds of them go together. One and half hour it took me to clear from Singapore immigration and hardly 10 minutes to enter Malaysia. Conductor promised to serve lunch on bus and moment he served lunch box and I opened it my heart sank. It had boiled white rice with small fishes fried full and served as pickle. Also had some very spicy red prawn sauce to mix with rice. I just eat rice with sprinkled sauce to subside my hunger pangs. Road was smooth and scenery was beautiful. Only three people very travelling and I being lone foreigner. Reached KL late at 7 and then reality hit me. I didn’t had ringgit (only Singapore dollar, US dollar and INR). My phone was not working as last Sim was of Singapore. The address my friend had given for KL which was his home to stay was wrong. I just kept walking with whole back pack and other material around public transport. Some Pakistanis I meet suggested me local blue/red line buses which are free travel. Unfortunately the red line dropped me at some main bus station from where blue line was supposed to go to Sultan Ismail where I was supposed to reach. The time I reached, blue line had stopped working. There were drunk taxi drivers all around and quite abusive and aggressive when I asked them for help. Luckily and young boy from India saw me and took pity on my position. He came and talked to me in Hindi about not taking a cab but local metro. He even gave me 10 ringgit as a gesture to keep me going. I always tell my friends that in this world people are all good only, it’s the circumstance which at time make us do bad things otherwise world have survived so much with general goodness and humanity. With his money and lady who helped me understanding the ticket vending machine took metro to reach sultan Ismail station. There another person helped me making a call to my friend through his own phone and finally meet and reach home. The tiredness and exhaustion went away moment I reached home.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Late night walk with friends to twin towers and mesmerizing night life of KL will forever remain with me. One thing I felt was immediate opposite culture compared to Singapore. Even though Singapore was under Malaysian rule to mid-70’s I think still the stark different both have evolved. Singapore was all about sophistication that comes from global exposure and KL was more conservative and laid back. KL also had higher pollution level as far as air and noise was concerned. But still a separate beauty of the city can be seen all around. Most of the time I spent with my friends and I really love them too much and miss them now. The help I got from total strangers when was lost is the best moment for me. Some might say, why did you took such a risk but then solo trips should be filled with risk. It’s at these moments I learn so much and my mind find the depth to which I can go down to survive and win. My trust in world full of people ready to help and sharing happiness is renewed. I am sure humanity will keep on going in spite of all the sorrow and hate we see around.<u></u><u></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">Hardest part ? coming to office back from trip on 16<sup>th</sup>. I hated it. Every day while on way to office I think of all the places I saw in Singapore and KL. Some part of me still is their only walking on street with my back pack. Next travel has to come in few months by year end. Till then will keep on going with the memory </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings;">:). </span></div>
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Mrinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11684722279970935357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8477398079072881129.post-90341982955728542162016-05-19T21:00:00.000-07:002016-05-19T21:00:17.921-07:00planning..:))<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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50-50..<o:p></o:p></div>
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That’s the one I saw yesterday…I did saw it earlier also but
sitting alone and nothing to break one’s concentration gives you a different
power of perspective. I mean I have best moments when I talk to no one and I do
what I like to do alone without being spoken to. Privacy has taken a whole new
meaning for me.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Now, coming back to movie. I saw how Joseph Gordon-levitt the
main actor struggles in life when I comes to know about spinal tumour. How his
girlfriend cheats on him and he feels all the loneliness when he needs support
the most. Well the thinking point for me was that he knows now about death
coming near to him. I mean I felt some kind of closure he must be feeling. I started
to feel myself in his shoes and truly speaking I do find his position OK. I mean
I don’t have cancer or anything yet. God knows about future. But one thing I thought
was, if I do get it, at least I might be better to do things which I might not
do under normal circumstances. We all just keep living and don’t bother about
our loved ones and get busy trying to make more money. I do frankly. <o:p></o:p></div>
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And If I know I am dying and have xyz months at hand only,
well its better. I can just spend time with friends I love, family I ignored,
trying to bring closure to so many things, see places which I wish. When the
clock is ticking we all start feeling the need to run and finish what we want,
but otherwise who cares. Dreams are dreams. Only with the ticking of watch, we
feel that we have missed what all we should have been doing and now time is
gone. So I do feel, that death as and when comes to me, I will be more happy to
die with cancer than a road accident. I want to face it, I want to know and
feel the last months or days. I will be more than happy to face pain maybe but
rather than being dead in a second. Few months is all I need. Finish what all I
wish to finish, leave some kind of legacy, something for my friends and family
to remember me after I am gone. I think I should start planning now itself.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Mrinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11684722279970935357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8477398079072881129.post-73809434618881510532016-05-11T04:39:00.001-07:002016-05-11T04:39:16.299-07:00wonderland<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the wonderland..<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sometimes I wish to lose myself in my wonderland. I am not
sure of purpose of going on. Simply living has lost its meaning.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I mean do we know our purpose. What am I doing here. Just
waking up and going on and on. Whatever comes just take it without wondering or
questioning. I am so bored now. It’s not depression that I feel or see. It’s
not sadness. But simplicity of life without any purpose. I meet people and talk
but back of mind thoughts are lost. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There has to be somethings or someplace where these thoughts
lose me. I want a wonderland where I just walk and feel sleepy. My feet should
just move without purpose. I spread my arms a scream. Grass greener and water
clearer. I sometimes dream of this place. I am alone and walking. I smell soil
on ground and lie on grass. Look up at clear blue sky and its vastness, its
white clouds. I hear water falling. I feel cool breeze. There is no one around
and only my sound. As far as I see nothing moves and no person. Just one tree
at a small hill and I climb up and sit under it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In my room at night I just sit in darkness and close my eyes
and imagine this place. I smile thinking of myself in my wonderland. The sound
of breeze among grass blades make me smile. My wonderland.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Mrinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11684722279970935357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8477398079072881129.post-47845070424082008232016-01-02T00:54:00.001-08:002016-01-02T00:54:45.347-08:00Love and sacrifices of heart.<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> don’t know what happened and how I lost the focus I had for myself. I stopped writing and totally lost control over my life. It all started around 4 months back. Sometimes we just do something in life which has no meaning and future but still we do it even if, it only hurts for every second we are living it. What else I have no idea.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">All my life I have tried very hard to be a good guy. And all my life I feel I have failed so many times and so often that I should actually give it up. I have made so many sacrifices for relationship sakes in terms of family commitments, friendship commitments, my own self goals, my self-worth even. And I am not saying that I am Mr. perfect and haven’t done wrong. I have broken hearts myself and hurt feelings of people who loved me. I now actually feel the cycle of life. We reap what we sow. Even now I know someone loves me deeply and I have seen the eyes but I am not able to make decision due to personal regressive mind-set. And I am actually wasting my heart somewhere else.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">After a while I feel relationship goals changes from person to person. Some still run for lust or looks while some just wants commitments. For me its mix of both somewhat. I have emotional needs now much much more than anything else. Loneliness is something which freaks me out. I just need more love and time. I think most of people might agree with me that what I feel I need is more important than other things we get in relationship. But how to get out of rut we land up if we make wrong choices. I keep trying to get out and I feel like I am going more deep. It’s like a quicksand, the relationship of hearts I mean. The more you try to come out and throw your hands around the more deep it pulls you inside. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">There are times when we fall down and we don’t have strength to get back up. I heard this line on YouTube video. The void, the emptiness in our life so pitch black that we can’t see our own hands in the darkness. Life throw at us the situations where we have no control. We meet and see people who make us miserable. We have two choices then. Either we get depressed and get angry and frustrated or we move on. Sadness goes only with time. There is no switch on and off button. But we just have to make up our mind that no matter what I will not let the situation or this blankness overwhelm me.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">One poem I always keep repeating in my mind <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“Once more into the fray, <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">to the last good fight I will ever know, <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Live and die on this day, <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Live and die on this day.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Life is a challenge. And no matter what and how talented we are or how rich or poor, we will always get in this rut of hearts. And I will keep scratching the sides of this pit to come out even if I lose my fingers doing it, I will scratch the hell out of this pit. </span></p><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgWmIzkJn0eF6tklhbxThnJmQZq8aiquOKrgbPJGwLRGFC6wY_C0C4YP3Ehz1SodiEDKyxS4exJdJ2xq3nkl-wbQN3A-I6HtLWNfPbvnvJKgZKtT1K9G0yrCACg3SAxSRELWyLUak3hls/s640/blogger-image--1622360721.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgWmIzkJn0eF6tklhbxThnJmQZq8aiquOKrgbPJGwLRGFC6wY_C0C4YP3Ehz1SodiEDKyxS4exJdJ2xq3nkl-wbQN3A-I6HtLWNfPbvnvJKgZKtT1K9G0yrCACg3SAxSRELWyLUak3hls/s640/blogger-image--1622360721.jpg"></a></div>Mrinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11684722279970935357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8477398079072881129.post-57593852943055204712015-10-01T04:42:00.001-07:002015-10-01T04:42:39.493-07:00Bond of pain<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">What is hurt!!! <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">What is the threshold to give into pain..<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">How much can we take more..<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Is pain just mind set..<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">A year back I tested my physical pain threshold. I almost screamed and felt I will die. I underwent a tattoo making job on my back. When the needle worked on my backbone and my whole back was covered in ink and blood I knew I can bear it much more. I haven’t reached my threshold yet. Sometimes extreme craziness can make you come out stronger. I underwent the 5 hour tattoo job; and in between so many times I felt like giving up but one thought came to my mind among so many that were running.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">What is more painful. Physical or emotional. The pain of my body will recover. I will be ok in few days or at most months. This physical pain will go away. But what about my heart. The pain I feel in my heart. It will remain. So just keep going through this pain. Maybe at some point this will make heart shut up. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I guess people who give themselves physical pain feel the same. The thought might be to numb the heart with pain on body. To keep mind occupied with injury. But then injury of heart keeps bleeding and never actually fills up.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">People with inked skin are sometimes looked upon as freaks and socially unstable. I understand the weirdness people feel about one’s who are ready to underwent that kind of extreme pain. But then one’s who are ready to go through it are not afraid of physical pain. I myself now feel more related to one with tattoos. It feels like a exclusive club. The bond of pain. I am not talking about the small ones like rose or butterfly. They are just show off purpose. I hate the show off tattoos. For me they are meant to be laughed upon. For me full body or big size tattoos are the real ones. My own covers half of my back. And I am already thinking of a new one on my left arm. I want people to feel I am weird and freak. I wish they have guts to say so on my face.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I have few things to say about pain of heart but I guess it will take few more days to gather my courage. That is the one which is really hard to talk about. I am in such a mess right now.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">GOD please guide…..</span></p><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXRPD0FU2aFXCN7Fyb90Njin9U2h286RXOe8dJSbnBNBiNt2f0ZUBGUS8SnXzFWnFkiawwp1Umef6PcrnqBYDQJe0rLqDKDVk8Cbj_91KyQyaPu-3H8vI9V6MvSDpswVlGEcIWYUXwl4M/s640/blogger-image-1365422614.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXRPD0FU2aFXCN7Fyb90Njin9U2h286RXOe8dJSbnBNBiNt2f0ZUBGUS8SnXzFWnFkiawwp1Umef6PcrnqBYDQJe0rLqDKDVk8Cbj_91KyQyaPu-3H8vI9V6MvSDpswVlGEcIWYUXwl4M/s640/blogger-image-1365422614.jpg"></a></div>Mrinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11684722279970935357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8477398079072881129.post-63257041125621667532015-09-10T04:43:00.001-07:002015-09-10T04:50:12.925-07:00Just looking at guru dutt…..<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">After a long time I am writing today. Lost mood to write for a short while I guess. It’s not something I wish to do but then I guess there is time when one needs to get away from things he/she likes to get the necessary lack of oxygen. I hope you understand my meaning. When we stop doing what we like to do and let the time lapse either we try to get back to it, like a person drowning in water trying get at surface for some bits of oxygen to live or we let it go completely. My case; rush to reach the surface before it’s too late. I think this is the only way to let my mind remain sane.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Why today? I started passing time on YouTube like normal days and ended up listening to music from Guru dutt’s movies. I don’t know why but this is one person I would have loved to meet. Few days back while sitting with my close friends; I just asked them if by any chance we get chance to go back in history who would they like to meet. Just one of those stupid top off my mind questions. My list will be long but frankly top six:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoListParagraph" style="text-indent: 0px; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt 36pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">1. Guru Dutt.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraph" style="text-indent: 0px; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt 36pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">2. Sahir ludhanvi.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraph" style="text-indent: 0px; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt 36pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">3. Faiz ahmed faiz<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraph" style="text-indent: 0px; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt 36pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">4. Mirza Ghalib<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraph" style="text-indent: 0px; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt 36pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">5. Nathuram Godse.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraph" style="text-indent: 0px; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt 36pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">6. Shiv kumar batalvi<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Watching the video from Kaagaz ke phool and listening to song “Dekhi zaman ki yaari” made me feel soooo sick. I felt like going to fresh room and puking. I mean I am among those; who can get puking feeling on things I find most horrifying and disgusting and similarly on the one’s I find most admiring and amazing. Being a poetry lover and trying to listen to best of poetry; and usually end up feeling like this. Being able to write poetry is the highest gift of God. For me, poets are on the very top of pyramid of creative thinkers and artist. I am in awe of poets. Guru Dutt was not a poet off course but the way he made his movies revolve around poetry of greats like Sahir make me feel so oversentimental inside. The depth he showed actually made the poem come alive on screen. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I myself would love to write poetry and trust me I do try, but I am so-so bad that I can’t even imagine to share. My dairy will be burned either on my funeral pyre or I will burn it myself before; hell yeah. But, when I listen to people like, sahir, ghalib, faiz, firaaq, majaz etc I feel so sick. I mean the level of pain and depth of their writing is so intense it takes my breath away. The sick feeling last whole day. I also try to avoid writing poetry too much as I get depressed. I mean I can understand why poets die so young so often or commit slow suicide by drinking away. So many examples of poets becoming alcoholic. And it’s all understandable. They write from their hearts.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I feel so sad at missing the chance to meet these amazing poets. They are immortal for me. Life and death will happen but the poetry they gave will forever remain. I just hope God listens to me and allow me to have a chance to meet them. I will just sit in front of them and keep looking at them, I will not speak or talk but prefer to just look and God I hope without crying. My head will be running with their writing and I am 100% sure to choke in my throat. My tears will just fall. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6VtvZareuP9gagI1Ug31NA_pGt-CshYsqFoTiBte8s2l9Ge5J_ssiahlYnKvS7KmbB8OfTPh6TibJdMtShydCi7BzRfzFxWEhV8N_5ee4Hn2e_hNSAJ0yrDWKjnPtll6eeBKoXaQTqUg/s640/blogger-image-125464581.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6VtvZareuP9gagI1Ug31NA_pGt-CshYsqFoTiBte8s2l9Ge5J_ssiahlYnKvS7KmbB8OfTPh6TibJdMtShydCi7BzRfzFxWEhV8N_5ee4Hn2e_hNSAJ0yrDWKjnPtll6eeBKoXaQTqUg/s640/blogger-image-125464581.jpg"></a></div>Mrinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11684722279970935357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8477398079072881129.post-70617685803278120112015-06-10T05:07:00.001-07:002015-06-10T05:07:33.861-07:00Are we asking enough??<div class="WordSection1" style="page: WordSection1;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Today I am going to write about the topic that has been running in my mind for past few weeks. I frankly was not sure if I should talk about it publicly or just keep my thoughts to myself. But then I realised that by not talking I am actually doing what I think is not the right thing. I should write it down. Maybe it might prevent one person from doing what I was about to do a year back only. I didn’t had courage and I was scared and backed off but not many are so lucky.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Are we asking enough.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">There are times in life when everything is lost. We face total failure. We fall down so hard that we give up hope of standing up again. We walk around smiling and laughing and we are scared about what other’s might think about us. We don’t wish to lose face so we start wearing a mask to cover our sentiments. Then we come back home when no one is seeing us, we sit in the dark room scared to turn on the light so that to avoid seeing our own face in mirror. I faced it. I went through it. I was so sad and unhappy that I had to wash my face ten times while in bath to make sure no signs of sadness and tears remain. I started drinking very heavily every night, sometimes 10-12 nights in a row to calm myself and to sleep. Then the moment which I am happy, came and went away. I sat in darkness with my whisky glass and instead of putting water I had poison in it. I kept looking at it and wanted to drink in one single gulp. It touched my lips and went back on table so many times. I cried and cried and cried but couldn’t drink it.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align: start; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><font color="#000000"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="text-decoration: none;"> <a href="http://www.google.co.in/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CAcQjRxqFQoTCO-ngamGhcYCFYiAvAodPDkAEQ&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wikihow.com%2FConvince-Yourself-Not-to-Commit-Suicide&ei=ESN4Va_bOIiB8gW88oCIAQ&bvm=bv.95039771,d.dGc&psig=AFQjCNERwRFlilxnrmcFtxoeP2JRucVqiw&ust=1434023049181215"><img border="0" width="211" height="159" id="Picture_x0020_1" src="cid:image001.jpg@01D0A3A1.8596D060" alt="http://pad3.whstatic.com/images/thumb/4/42/Convince-Yourself-Not-to-Commit-Suicide-Step-2-Version-2.jpg/670px-Convince-Yourself-Not-to-Commit-Suicide-Step-2-Version-2.jpg"></a></span><o:p></o:p></span></font></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I know I developed cold feet and lacked guts. But yes I am happy I lacked it. Otherwise I would have finished this wonderful life that day. I am not ashamed about not doing it that day but I am ashamed that I actually thought about it. But that’s not the point I wish to make by writing this long story. My point is actually ‘ why didn’t anyone observed my false mask’. I wanted someone to see me in the condition I was in. few of my friends knew and family knew. But then we need someone to step up and support. Someone to pour our heart too. I think being around someone sad helps a lot. We have to take time out for such friends. I am sure I would have resisted to share but then at times one does feel like talking.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">In the end, I will just say, we have to fight our own demons. No one will come. I had to fight my depression with my own mind and heart. I do feel it coming back again and again at times but I will not give up the fight. I will always have open ears for such friends who need someone to talk and I will keep calling those whom I feel might be going through something bad. Some might talk some might not but my phone will keep calling. And most important, never again will my whisky glass have anything other than water and ice. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align: start; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><font color="#000000"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="text-decoration: none;"> <a href="http://www.google.co.in/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CAcQjRxqFQoTCMTAtImHhcYCFUGcvAody_cAGg&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wikihow.com%2FConvince-Yourself-Not-to-Commit-Suicide&ei=3CN4VcTiBcG48gXL74PQAQ&bvm=bv.95039771,d.dGc&psig=AFQjCNERwRFlilxnrmcFtxoeP2JRucVqiw&ust=1434023049181215"><img border="0" width="263" height="198" id="Picture_x0020_2" src="cid:image002.jpg@01D0A3A1.8596D060" alt="http://pad3.whstatic.com/images/thumb/c/c2/Convince-Yourself-Not-to-Commit-Suicide-Step-3-Version-2.jpg/670px-Convince-Yourself-Not-to-Commit-Suicide-Step-3-Version-2.jpg"></a></span><o:p></o:p></span></font></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><div style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><o:p><br></o:p></div></div>Mrinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11684722279970935357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8477398079072881129.post-79580040331961686392015-05-11T00:48:00.001-07:002015-05-11T00:54:29.465-07:00Confused..<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Am I the only one or many more like me face this kind of problem.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Last few weeks I have been going through such a torture. Some weekends when I am in Shimla, I go to mall road and sit in my favourite café to work on my novel. But last few times, I am not able to write more than a page. Forget a page, paragraphs and my mind is blank. I just keep looking at screen of my laptop. I look around and I see all the people sitting and busy doing their own things. I see outside the window and I see happy people walking on mall road completely carefree. I look back at my screen and nothing comes to my mind. Like an idiot I am just looking around.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">God I hope it’s not going to last long.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><img width="460" height="276" id="Picture_x0020_1" src="cid:image001.jpg@01D08BEC.3AA6FF70" alt="http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pixies/2013/5/23/1369326389845/Frustrated-man-at-laptop-008.jpg"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Made few new friends online. I feel so happy checking my google plus account. The number of such talented and beautiful people. Some such wonderful pics people post and such great quotes. And I wonder how some manage to write such lovely blogs and poetry. Just wow.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Why I am writing all this I don’t know. Sometimes writing is much easier to do than talking or saying things. People who are prone to go into shell, people with high emotional instability; bottom-line people like me must keep on writing.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Don’t you feel, Internet is the new “voice of sky”. Just write something and throw it online. And wait if somewhere someone responds. It’s like prayers we say by looking up at sky. We whisper it and let it float, up toward the clouds and we wait for a voice to boom. We feel it is coming from sky but it’s more likely our heart talking to our head. The answer we are searching, comes to our mind and we feel as if nature is responding to our thoughts. How natural and beautiful it is. But now, nature I feel is being replaced by internet. We pour out our heart more and more online and wait for that ping of response. I remember when my life completely broke down 4 years ago. I was devastated with grief and lost everything. Night after night I just kept awake and kept looking toward the ceiling of my house. I started visiting the online help groups anonymously seeking words of advice. I was praying to God off course, but I also found solace from strange chat ids. Now I am getting more hooked to internet and more comfortable with idea of letting my thoughts float toward the new sky and maybe response comes via a satellite or undersea cable. I just keep wondering.</span></p><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy0my00AUZjNq4tBQrct2YFAZTWnvOj-OkkXX3ejOiaJYX6LvNsiJoLmsEzezLYKsadTc-Co85lfvrB08N2fEKDcbJqrezyX_4Our0nkZ52j6Uyw_EA0ylnUt0fAHs1gxLnROB_XcACBo/s640/blogger-image--770828456.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy0my00AUZjNq4tBQrct2YFAZTWnvOj-OkkXX3ejOiaJYX6LvNsiJoLmsEzezLYKsadTc-Co85lfvrB08N2fEKDcbJqrezyX_4Our0nkZ52j6Uyw_EA0ylnUt0fAHs1gxLnROB_XcACBo/s640/blogger-image--770828456.jpg"></a></div>Mrinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11684722279970935357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8477398079072881129.post-4138360484004618232015-04-06T00:57:00.002-07:002015-04-06T04:40:56.062-07:00Taj mahal<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">Today family trip have Taj mahal. One of the wonders of the world. But I am coming for the first time </span><span class="s2">unlike my family which has seen the same earlier too.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">I have lots of mixed feelings. I don’t know how so many confusing thoughts can come in one single person’s mind. But still. I am excited to see the monument of love. Love which surpassed all limits I guess. A king who almost emptied all his state’s coffer for one single monument. A king who is said to have cut off hands of thousands of workers, so that they</span><span class="s2"> can never</span><span class="s2"> again build such a unique monument. How easy was for kings to make a point. In a single stroke he painted his love as unique and </span><span class="s2">unparalleled but at what cost. The cost of blood and sweat. I just can’t take imagine something else when I see the marble of Taj but blood. For me its colour is red and thinking all this has made my mood cold. Anyhow for my family sake will keep a cheerful face. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The route was good till we reached Agra city. The highway is good even if not without bumps. But good to see things improving in India even if on snail pace. City is horrible. Cleanliness is far off and traffic is horrible. Smell and garbage all over the city. Feel so ashamed to see tourist from globe coming to see Taj and taking pics of garbage. This is what India’s looks to them. Sad.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">Electricity is major problem in UP. My hotel room has power back up but it has tripped almost 5 times in half an hour. Tourist please make sure you take hotel with power backup. Also, no </span><span class="s2">Wi-Fi</span><span class="s2"> in my room only in lobby.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">But still positives must be seen and we Indians do find happiness even in most trying places. Hotels are ok and one can find cheap price wise also, even when I did last minute booking. Funny thing is we are 5 from one family and staying in 3 different hotels. Can you imagine one family and three different hotels? Talk of changing middle class lifestyles among generation. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">Any tourist coming first time, I suggest take a good taxi driver from Delhi itself and don’t plan to depend on local tour operator. Try a good tour operator from Delhi only. </span><span class="s2">Hotels online can be booked or preview can be checked. I did my booking online itself.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">The Taj. Well, it did looked dull to me. I think pollution and global warming had effects on its marble. The beauty is fading with time. I guess like the love the king had for his queen, the time fades away all the memories and symbols of love. Looking at it made me confused. What was the point of killing so many innocents and cutting their hands meant? Did the dead queen, whose last wish was for such a monument had no heart. </span><span class="s2">Sorry, but I can only recall the Sahir’s poem,</span><span class="s2"> </span></span></div><div class="s2"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLJ-yBUrKl59k7QNsJEQ4DYxOwKQoPThcGKzrHB1EIFtRIzcWY9v_LBGVGqvRNthyp8aHTLO47IbSsrXDroe7H0o4-7_9S_4IcJKuRVO7n1tS6PTa9CSVGAcN6MfXow7d5_OONx8gINYA/s640/blogger-image--1607273659.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLJ-yBUrKl59k7QNsJEQ4DYxOwKQoPThcGKzrHB1EIFtRIzcWY9v_LBGVGqvRNthyp8aHTLO47IbSsrXDroe7H0o4-7_9S_4IcJKuRVO7n1tS6PTa9CSVGAcN6MfXow7d5_OONx8gINYA/s640/blogger-image--1607273659.jpg"></a></div><br></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">The Taj, mayhap, to you may seem, a mark of love supreme</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"><br></span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">You may hold this beauteous vale in great esteem</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">;</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"><br></span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">Yet, my love, meet me hence at some other place!</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">How odd for the poor folk to frequent royal resorts</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">;</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"><br></span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">‘Tis</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"> strange that the amorous souls should tread the regal paths</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"><br></span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">Trodden once by mighty kings and their proud consorts.</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"><br></span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">Behind the facade of love my dear, you had better seen</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">,</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"><br></span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">The marks of imperial might that herein lie </span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">screen’d</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"><br></span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">You who take delight in tombs of kings deceased,</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"><br></span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">Should have seen the hutments dark where you and I did wean.</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"><br></span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">Countless men in this world must have loved and gone</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">,</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"><br></span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">Who would say their loves weren’t truthful or strong?</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"><br></span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">But in the name of their loves, no memorial is raised</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"><br></span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">For</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"> they too, like you and me, belonged to the common throng.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">These structures and sepulchres, these ramparts and forts,</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"><br></span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">These relics of the mighty dead are, in fact, no more</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"><br></span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">Than the cancerous tumours on the face of earth,</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"><br></span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">Fattened on our ancestor’s very blood and bones.</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"><br></span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">They too must have loved, my love, whose hands had made,</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"><br></span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">This marble monument, nicely chiselled and shaped</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"><br></span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">But their dear ones lived and died, unhonoured, unknown,</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"><br></span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">None burnt even a taper on their lowly graves.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">This bank of </span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">Jamuna</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">, this edifice, these groves and lawns,</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"><br></span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">These carved walls and doors, arches and alcoves,</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"><br></span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">An emperor on the strength of wealth, Has played with us a cruel joke.</span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;"><br></span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">Meet me hence, my love, at some other place.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Must listen to in actual Urdu language to get the pain and anguish depicted in the poem from my one of the most favourite poet of all times.</span></div><div class="s2"><span class="s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">The one thing I hate the most also was happening around, saw a lot of morons trying to take pics with foreigner. Especially with white folk’s. I just don’t understand the white skin syndrome which these jerks have. Off course they were not forcing but some were insisting enough. The poor white people were obliging by clicking pics but it looked so stupid. This show the masculine idiotic mentality that these dickheads have. They think white women are easy and sex maniacs just because they prefer to wear</span><span class="s2"> </span><span class="s2">small dress in unbearably hot Indian summer and there women who I am sure will prefer to wear the same but because of social dictate are not able to wear. Jerks.</span></span></div><div class="s2"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2"><br></span></span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Overall tour was fine enough; but I was somehow not very contented like I am after a long distance travel. Something didn’t clicked for me on this one. Even if second day I was alone and had time for my own exploration of Agra fort without my family; which is the way I prefer. This way I feel more peaceful minded and my thoughts are not disturbed by random comments and distractions. I like to walk among the history I was visiting with my mind wondering into the themes; Like the king must have seen in the eyes of his subjects, the life of soldier standing on walls looking at vast open jungle that must have existed then around the fort, the servants running inside the palace carrying secret messages and gossips, the Queen with all her beauty, the whole picture running in front of my eyes. I love it. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">Well, that’s for this trip and waiting for next travel to begin. I am thinking of going to D</span><span class="s2">haramshala for a few days </span><span class="s2">next week itself. </span></span></div>
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<br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div>Mrinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11684722279970935357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8477398079072881129.post-52933720896749340552015-04-02T21:15:00.001-07:002015-04-02T21:15:45.881-07:00Bus travels<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I think since childhood i preferred bus travel over train. And when I started working, air travel looks and feels best. But then when i have chance to travel by road i still love bus. These days it has become so frequent that i get tired of it. But few times some incidents keep happening and the scenes make me remain hungry for more. <br><br>Month back I was traveling to chamba from shimla and time it takes for bus is 16 hours. I started at morning <a data-blogger-escaped-href="x-apple-data-detectors://1" data-blogger-escaped-x-apple-data-detectors-result="1" data-blogger-escaped-x-apple-data-detectors-type="calendar-event" data-blogger-escaped-x-apple-data-detectors="true">7am</a> and reached at night<a data-blogger-escaped-href="x-apple-data-detectors://2" data-blogger-escaped-x-apple-data-detectors-result="2" data-blogger-escaped-x-apple-data-detectors-type="calendar-event" data-blogger-escaped-x-apple-data-detectors="true">9pm</a>. It was damn tiring but was full of exictment that i lost time many times. The steep valley on one side and huge mountains with lush green grass and long trees. Himachal has the toughest roads to travel and really burns a person out. This trip to chamba i remember not only for the beauty but sheer stupidity and bizzarness also. I was on bus and this Shepard from upper hills came inside and was carrying a fully grown goat, he actually had to go some place for few minutes when the bus stopped and he asked me to take care of the goat and made me handle its leash till then. The goat and me both keep on lookingat each other till the time he came back. I just couldn't keep off my smile for next half an hour just thinking about it. <br><br>Then this time was going to kullu region and a young newly married lady came and seated herself next to me, she started talking about her hard life in village and poor conditions. I felt really sorry hearing it all and thought how fortunate i am. I belive no matter how much we grow and how much we earn but travel by bus will still make us live and feel real life. The people we meet and see tell us how fair and unfair life can be. I still keep feeling that bus travel keeps me grounded and makes me smile everytime no matter how much tiresome it might feel. Also, some experiences have been so romantic that i miss them. I was in second year of my graduation in chandigarh. This girl who was in university and obviously elder by couple of years, use to take same bus as mine from one stop ahead of me. Our eyes started to meet and i become her protecter in over crowded bus. She will always stand next to me with her back touching my chest and my arms will keep her secure from crowd. We never shared a word but for almost a year we travelled daily at same time. This might sound stupid but that time was super romantic to me. I still think of her sometime. Well lets see what buses hold for me in future.</span>Mrinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11684722279970935357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8477398079072881129.post-31443180502595922122015-01-20T03:46:00.001-08:002015-01-20T03:46:58.170-08:00Finding someone<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Just listening to ‘somewhere over the rainbow- what a wonderful world’. What a beautiful song. Just plain lovely.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And the memories just keep coming flooding inside me. So many interesting relationships and people had walked in my short span of life and walked out also. So many face’s run past my eyes and so many sweet whispers of voices in my ears. I had such moments when you see a face turn and smile back at you. The eyes are together for those few unimaginable minutes of silence with so much being said without speaking. The smile on lips meaning only one thing and eyes trying to say ‘Yes’. The memories which remain with us as long as life is with us.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">But then I have heard the same line repeated to me so many times after the best part is over that it too has become part of the memories now. The same thing which I laugh when I see in movies, guess all girls pick it up from movies only. “you are the person a girl wishes to be part of her life. You are all she can dream and you will surely one day find the girl who will return the same love to you”. ROFL. It’s so funny now to think about it. And without trying to be sexist; guys are blamed almost every time to be imperfect in our sense of relationships. My only concern is maybe, and just maybe at times the poor guy could do it better with subtle hints upfront of things not working up.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And what are searching for. Both gender’s.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Guys looking for those simple girls shown in movies as perfect life partners; Hot looking and perfect figure with clear fair skin. Loving, caring in nature, one’s who don’t look at other good looking guys because; hey! I am almost as hot as John Abraham so only I have right to ogle at other girls. Girls who appreciate our sense of humour even if all other feels its crap and outright cynical. Supporting financially by not doing shopping and understanding that our friends will laugh at us if you earn more than us so better do a shit job or don’t work at all. Respect our parents and family but don’t get to personally involved after all we are always involved emotionally via phone or WhatsApp if not physically. Cooks like Taj chef and cleans like British butler. Don’t crib about our waistline and brink of alcoholism but must be teetotaller. Is like Angelina Jolie in bed from Original Sin. Well the list can be further worked upon as per different set of choices Guys get in life but basics are almost these. Maybe.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Girls, well it’s even more complicated. The guy should be rich like Mark Zuckerberg. Handsome like Brad Pitt. Lover like George Clooney. Powerful like Prince William, etc. etc. etc. He should be caring, loving, romantic, but in the meantime only mine. He should not look at other girls and even if I let myself go and become puffy should find me beautiful. Help in kitchen even if I don’t like to cook so can take me to candle light dinner in five star hotels. Is not a mama’s boy and macho even if don’t treat women with respect. Should take me to vocations to Swiss alps like locations every three months even if doesn’t care if he visit his parent’s only on Diwali. Basically any asshole will work if he has looks and money. Maybe exception can be seen but then I have seen craving for such a life in most girls.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I am open to be dissected for such a shallow opinion of society. Picturing all with same brush. But then truth be told; I don’t give a fuck. I have seen enough guys trying to be Adam Sandler and enough girls to be Katherine Heigl. Thank you. So point is please come down on earth and start facing the reality. Relationship disaster are all part of life and are meant to happen. Just don’t get stuck with past. Enjoy today even if that means sitting at bar alone and having a drink. Forget about waiting for Mr or Miss perfect. It isn’t happening. The perfect picture in mind is crap and will not get complete. So just let yourself go. If you are lucky to meet someone nice don’t waste time for him to become awesome. Hangout and see if it works. Otherwise you can copy and repeat the line I have shared; which has been said to me by number of girls (don’t forget to change as per gender).<o:p></o:p></span></p><div><br></div>Mrinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11684722279970935357noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8477398079072881129.post-24669565249972915442014-12-11T00:12:00.001-08:002014-12-11T00:12:03.501-08:00Journey without purpose<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Lost…..<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">This is how I see the world now. We all are lost. The vacuum of our soul is so easy to see around. The thing is we don’t even wish to stop and ask why..<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I am in my office and I am lost. I am in my room and I am lost. I am in market or attending some public function and I am lost. The people all around seem lost. If I ask myself, what I am doing right now or the person standing next to me what and why; that person sounds lost. Most of the people are just in someplace due to social obligation. Hey!! Why are you here….I am here to attend this function…I am here as my friend called me to come….I am here as my family asked me to. Are we only doing everything as we are supposed to do so by others or only due to some specific requirement. We just don’t walk on our own. Without any purpose. Without any reason. Yeah!! How will people react to it. We can be termed insane or just mad.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Since birth this has been my life. When I was born; then I use to go with parents and immediate family wherever they use to go. In school I use to go with my class and be disciplined. In college where the friends like to go. Now when I am working; wherever the boss or work is required. Even when I take holiday I go wherever family wishes to go. Everything starts and end with a purpose. There has to be a reason. Choice has to be consensus and with pros and cons of the place. It’s not because I just felt like going. For this either we cut off the thinking part of mind or we be part of the crowd and enjoy with everybody.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I am not saying all those who are going with family and friends are doing something wrong. Off course we all enjoy and feel less stressed when we are with family and friends. But where is the inner voice. My only issue is when I am just alone sitting in a quiet place my mind is like in meditation mode. The thoughts comes and goes like a slow train. I can hear myself talking and speaking from heart. This should be the ideal case for a human being to find who his inner self is. There are moments when I am in company of family and friends and I get zoned out. Suddenly I will start walking away and standing some place alone or will be sitting with all and lost in my own thoughts. It’s funny at times…my Walter Mitty scene.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I feel like at times to just go to my room, pack my bag, take a bus and go to a far off place. How I hope things could be this simple. It can be but for the fear of all the social and professional repercussion one just tend to control his heart. How my family will feel and how my job will get affected. Happiest moments are when I am in between the travel . Whether in bus, train or aircraft. The journey is more beautiful moment for me rather than the destination. The fleeting sights and sounds, the smells and pictures. But then, I tend to see around people and myself all going for some purpose. And the whole moment is stopped. I just wish we all start our journey not because we have some work at our destination but sheer feel for travel .let’s just travel and think not of destination. But is it possible…<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">World was never the place where our choices work. Keep following the crowd.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p>Mrinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11684722279970935357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8477398079072881129.post-41979536596359600542014-10-19T23:13:00.001-07:002014-10-19T23:13:25.844-07:00Keyhole in my life<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I watched ‘HER’ again yesterday night.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I don’t know how but that movie has actually left an impact on me. I just can’t keep my mind off the voice. The computer voice. Voice like a real person. Emotions like real person even though I know are artificial. I imagined while lying on my bed after the movie was over, how life might be if I also get one of these things (if I can call it a thing). Then I remember that maybe I already had one of these things. I am also like one of these things.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Some part of my brain keeps talking to me and acting as it might be a third person. It keeps me in check and keeps reminding myself about things I should do and should not do. I stand in front of the mirror and I don’t know what I am trying to look at. The face. The eyes. The cloths. The hairs. It is so confusing. But then my mind start talking to me. Trying to say to me that I need to smile. A sense of tiredness sweeps over my face. But then my mind again ask me to take a deep breath and turn away my face. It knows more I try to see in mirror more I am likely to stay longer in front of it. I don’t know why I am saying all this but this has taken over my mind while writing.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I have come to office like any other Monday morning and stare at faces. All are smiling and looking back at me for just a second. And then the heads go down again on their systems. I just take my seat and start typing. What the hell is wrong with me. I don’t even have the energy to walk to any other persons desk and say hello. I just hope no one comes on mine also. I just don’t want to smile. It is so hard to smile. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">My new passion these days is twitter. I just keep on checking after few minutes for any updates. Talking endless and tweeting anything that comes on my mind. It’s so liberating. Last few days I have messaging about how extremism is increasingly becoming dangerous to world, especially Islamic and how it should be dealt with. Couple of people from across the globe started to respond also. I guess it’s more easy to talk to people you have never met and nor likely to meet in future. Strangers are more easy to talk to then people you meet daily. Solace in unknown I guess. Workable for long might be a question. Well anyway, answers are like always never with me. One thing I have observed about me…guess all gender’s might agree. It is more relaxing to talk to a person of opposite sex. Males I feel are more happy to talk to females and might be vice versa also. Reason can be debated. Its sounds and feels more passionate and mysterious when opposite gender takes interest in your message, especially someone not seen ever. We after all, are more happy to imagine someone loving us with passion shown in movies. And not necessarily in real life. Imaginary again.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">This is why I think movies like ‘HER’ has been trying to project and ringed a bell inside. The actor in the movie develops a relationship but doesn’t get desperate to have a face for the voice. Social media and platforms to speak to strangers across globe has become such a hit. We started with things like yahoo messenger with groups full of strangers but common topics from top of mind. Chatting with strangers to larger platform of twitter. I am not counting Facebook where privacy and closed groups of known friends exist. Whether in future these social platforms will isolate us or make us into larger groups of like-minded has to be seen. I mean people will surely love to talk to stranger’s like now but when it will come to meeting face to face or interact on close personal basis, problems might happen. I mean my own case, I can share my mind more own social network and with strangers rather than sitting in a coffee shop with friends.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Am I becoming a socially unstable. Can’t say. But certainly I am enjoying this sitting in the dark and looking towards light coming from keyhole. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></p>Mrinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11684722279970935357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8477398079072881129.post-71425200922829306282014-07-26T10:15:00.001-07:002015-04-08T07:16:54.523-07:00The fear<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The fear of dying alone in life is the worst a person can go through. I don’t know but I think all of us do go through this, in some part of life. That might also explain why this concept of having someone in life to share is so importantly shown in the movies. I blame them more than anyone else for this projection. I ask why do we need someone. We can have very good friends, very close family and bloody dog or cat or even our own self to talk to all the time. Why the hell we need a lover or wife/husband or girlfriend/boyfriend.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The simple reason for the same is the idea shown in movies that we can’t die alone. Or even to some extent the society as a whole thinks that kids are the reason why a man and women are together. They can be together out of just sheer need of company rather than biological production cycle. The same reason that company is the most important reason for marriage or affairs can be applied for lack of need of it. Why do we start thinking that company is must in life. We can spend time by doing what we love to do the most. We can share it with friends or family. Or even in worst case scenario with no one.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Off course some while say that this will become monotonous lifecycle and we might end up regretting it. But who knows the future. Also, in how many relationship are both person happy and completely satisfied. People say, compromises are to be done and that is how the life is lived. Both the partners have to compromise to a large or small extent to keep the relationship going. But I ask, if the whole idea is dropped and a single person start living the way he loves to live, will he not be more happy. I mean the whole point of doing something to please the other person will be over, and no one to say this was not expected of you. Well it might be too easy to say then done for sure. But by the look of it sounds very pleasing to the ear’s.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><o:p style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">People can say I am judging for very narrow view and all of this is my own thinking. But all the thinking we see the world is our own only isn’t it. We are our own biggest reason for failure to take action and do something in life. We keep imagining the mirage of world view from our own mind and keep thinking that people are judging us, but instead we are judging ourselves all the time. Sometimes our own actions take us on the path we hadn’t imagined, but then all the paths are new in life. To keep walking in this darkness without knowing whether, the next step will be are last is the only option. </span></p>Mrinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11684722279970935357noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8477398079072881129.post-81780519464594688612014-02-16T20:55:00.001-08:002014-02-22T07:23:06.378-08:00To let goHow impossible is to let go. It is said that whatever belongs to you will come back when u learn to let go. Does is actually happen. Can someone claim he has got something back once he let it go. Really. How many heartbreaks make us feel all is lost and well over. For me i cant even count on fingers. And nothing, belive me nothing ever comes back. Its all myth. The true test is to hold on to the memory and not go mad. Real person is the one who make peace with all the memories and live with them. We can do it even if it is very painful. Life afterall the sadness, ups and down, heartbreaks and tears must keep going on. We can live with tears and still try to be normal sane human. Mrinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11684722279970935357noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8477398079072881129.post-52466277745119156092014-02-07T04:47:00.000-08:002014-02-07T04:47:54.961-08:00patience.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
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PATIENCE.......<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
a word which is lacking in almost all human beings., some might have more
longer level of endurance and hold losing their 'patience' for longer time
while some don’t. and some like me let it all go in their minds. it sometimes
feels like my head will explode out of skull....the anger and pain is too
much..<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
then comes some point in life when all is lost...we lose all hope and feel
total losers. And then comes patience again...what can we do then....I close my
eyes and try to drop few tears and let the feeling pass over me...but at times
it rigidly sticks on....the only word that gives me some feeling of gaining
hope again is 'patience'...all good things comes to those who are patient
enough to wait for it...somewhere I had heard or read...I don’t know where...<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
if I look back at my life it is full of some such incidence's where I believe
only my patience to wear the situation out worked actually....I waited for time
to change and not ideally I mean but I worked for it...and things did started
to change..<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
I am of course open to criticism and people saying all is crap and actually
you just hope things will change but in true sense it doesn’t....maybe that is
also true but is it not right that if we start believing that our time is
changing and good things are coming our way that they actually start to come.??<o:p></o:p><br />
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Mrinalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11684722279970935357noreply@blogger.com0